My Biggest Regret
by I think ur Superman
Summary: Luke and Lorelai never got back together after partings, they have been living separate lives miles apart for ten years but now they have no choice but to be face to face since her daughter is marrying his nephew. java junkie and literati


My Biggest Regret

**After the breakup in partings, Luke and lorelai went their separate ways both away from stars hollow. Lorelai moved to Boston and married Christopher. **

**Luke got back in touch with Rachel and followed her to California. **

**They are now face to face for the first time in 10 years as Rory is marrying Jess. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, Luke and lorelai belong to Amy Sherman Paladino – I just borrow them to mess around with. Song belongs to Westlife**

The wedding preparations had all gone amazingly well, it was a last minute idea so Rory and Jess had done all the planning themselves. There hadn't been time for a rehearsal dinner so fingers crossed everything went to plan today.

They had only got back in contact a few years before when Rory got offered a position at a newspaper in Philadelphia and Jess still lived there, somewhere between the arguing, the talking, the resolving and the making up: they had realised that what they'd felt never went away, it only got stronger.

They were planning a move to England to promote Jess books overseas and having felt they had already spent too long apart, Rory had opted to go with him and already had a job lined up for herself. This decision flew their plans for a long engagement into disarray: the ultimate decision had been made for them to come back to where they first met and marry in stars hollow surrounded by their friends and family before starting their new life in England.

Plans were hastily thrown together and today would be the moment of truth.

Lorelai was pleased for her daughter, she was successful career wise and now she was getting married. When she first found out it was to Jess, she hadn't been too pleased not because she didn't think he was good enough (he had really grown up, was a successful author and completely in love with her daughter) but because of what it meant. Luke. He would be at the wedding, there was no excuse for either of them not to go: she was the mother of the bride and he was the closest thing to a father Jess had ever had.

If she said she hadn't thought about him then she'd be lying, he was n her mind every day. Losing him was her biggest regret.

Luke always knew that Jess loved Rory, so it wasn't exactly a surprise when he was informed of the wedding. The thing that shocked him was that they had made it work, it just depressed him even more about the fact that he couldn't. Lorelai was the love of his life and he wanted to punch himself in the face every day for losing her. It had been 10 years but he could still see her smile, here her voice, taste her kiss, remember exactly how she liked her coffee to be made...

To a stranger lorelai looked happy, but to someone who knew her the view was different, its part of the reason she moved from stars hollow: the other part being that she was surrounded by memories of Luke and she couldn't take it anymore. The inn was where they had their first kiss, so she sold it (all be it to Michel but still), the crapshack had memories imprinted on every surface so she sold that to. She sold everything: her jeep, her clothes, her furniture. It made no difference.

All she had left of him was hidden away in a box at the back of her closet well her and Christopher's closet. She married him because it was better than being alone, they had two children together: she loved them but couldn't help wishing they were Luke's instead.

Jacob Hayden was 9 years old, he was exactly like Rory in that he read all the time and loved school, he looked different to her though. When lorelai watched him sleep at night, she would swear blind that he looked exactly like Luke but she knew it was her mind playing tricks on her. She was seeing what she wanted to see.

Alexandra Hayden (Alex) was the spitting image of lorelai but she was reckless like Christopher. She was four years old (Rory had asked her to be the flower girl along with Jess sister doula)

Gigi had gone to live with her mother in Paris while lorelai was pregnant with Jake. She wasn't at the wedding in fact none of their family was.

Lorelai was glad of this, she knew if Rory was there eyeing her then she would have broken her resolve and not married him.

Luke liked living in California, he didn't love it like he did in stars hollow but it wasn't too bad. At least there were no bad memories haunting him. He wanted to sell the diner, it was too heart breaking to be there but he couldn't do it; it was his dads and should remain in the family. Currently it was being rented by Caesar: he hated receiving the rent check because for that one day he couldn't stop himself from breaking down when the postman arrived.

He didn't get to see April any more, he had been to court for access but it was declined.

He did have a daughter with Rachel who he was now married too. He was pretty much raising her single handed though since Rachel was always up and leaving. He wasn't entirely sure his daughter knew who her mother was.

Lexi Danes was four years old, she had Rachel's features: she was a pretty little girl but she was very like her father. At night when she was in bed, Luke would sit alone and wish lorelai was her mother instead: he knew she would be the greatest mother in the world, and that was what his little girl deserved.

He didn't wear flannel anymore not solely because California was too warm for it but it reminded her of when SHE wore it, his heart couldn't take it. He didn't keep much of his stuff from stars hollow but what he did was hidden away in the back of his closet. He knew he only married Rachel because she was a good enough option, sure he cared about her but in all reality his heart hadn't been his own to give for almost 20 years.

Today was the day that would reveal of either of them had really moved on or not...

Lorelai was in the bridal suite helping Rory get ready.

"You know he's here" said Rory with caution

"Satan?" quipped lorelai

"Mom you know who I mean" she enunciated every syllable

"Rory, its fine" *please don't say his name*

"Mom, is it really? I mean you were engaged and you haven't seen each other in 10 years. You're married so is he. How can you be sure that it will be fine?"

Lorelai felt a single tear roll down her cheek, her daughter was right, this wasn't fine. They should be attending this wedding together and making inappropriate jokes about how Rory was marrying her cousin.

"Rory this is your day. So I'm going to do what adults do. I'm gonna suck it up and deal with it!"

Meanwhile Luke was congratulating Jess...

"I'm proud of you. I knew you'd get here someday"

"Thanks. You know I always thought you would too" they both knew exactly what Jess meant by that.

"Yeah well sometimes things don't work out"

"Are you going to be okay with her being here? You know you can bail, I mean I didn't come to your wedding right?"

"Jess, I wouldn't miss your wedding for the world. Now stop worrying about me"

Just at that lexi came bursting into the room "do I look pretty daddy? Auntie Liz did my hair"

"Yes sweetheart, you look wonderful"

"Do you like it Jess?"

"Of course pumpkin. Now let's take you to doula so you can get ready to be the best flower girl ever!"

Doula didn't know too much about the whole Luke and lorelai fiasco, just that there could be some issues today with them seeing each other. She thinks they were engaged before but she's not sure.

"Hi big brother, hi lexi"

"Right, now Rory's sister should be over in a minute then we'll get the three of you sorted" Rory and Jess had opted to sort the flower girls out themselves since they had neglected to tell Luke/lorelai about the others daughter.

Just then Rory brought over Alex. "Right you ready guys?"

Each girl eyed the other curiously, "I'm Alex" "I'm lexi"

"Right everyone acquainted. Doula you know what you're doing?"

"Yes yes go"

Rory rushed back to the bridal suite to change into her dress *seeing Jess on the day was bad luck enough, she wasn't risking it as far as being in her dress*

Her mum zipped her into it and the whole room which consisted of Emily, lorelai, lane and Paris' jaws dropped.

"You look gorgeous honey!" said lorelai and everyone else nodded in agreement.

It was a long ivory gown, with crystals down the side to give it a little eye sparkle. It was modest, very Rory gilmorish. The bridesmaids were in red while the flower girls wore white dresses with a red ribbon tied round it.

Her flowers were red roses (courtesy of Emily Gilmore).

"Please be seated"

Lexi and Alex skipped down the aisle side by side scattering rose petals while the guests awed at how cute they were. Lorelai's brow furrowed as she seen the little girl next to her own: *Rory never said there was another flower girl why wouldn't she tell me? Maybe Liz had another baby, surely she'd tell me. The little girl looked strangely familiar but she couldn't place the face*

Luke watched every bit the proud father as lexi skipped down the aisle, then he caught a glimpse of the girl next to hers face: he'd know that smile anywhere. *lorelai has a kid! Why didn't Jess tell me? I wonder who her father is* he looked over to where she was sitting and felt the anger rising in his chest as he seen Christopher's arm around her waist. He felt as though his heart was being ripped out of his chest at lorelai having a second child with that idiot.

Doula came next and tj interrupted the beautiful walk the girl was doing by yelling "that's my daughter, isn't she lovely?" over the music.

Luke noticed that doula had a boy walking next to her and he felt as though he was watching himself 35 years ago, *god I must be tired, my mind is playing tricks on me*

Then Paris with Doyle, and lane with zack.

Finally here comes the bride started to play and Rory appeared with Richard on her arm. She was still mad at her father for breaking up her mother and Luke, and besides he hadn't ever been there for any other important moments, why should he get this one? In an ideal scenario, Luke would be the one giving her away. He was the only male there for all the important moments in her life. Unfortunately this wasn't how it planned out, that's how she ended up with her grandfather walking her down the aisle.

"We are joined here today to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony. This Ceremony is just a moment in a lifetime love story. Rory and Jess met 16 years ago in this very town, and well it wasn't the most joyous of unions but that didn't make it any less filled with love. They had a lot of ups and downs over those years but every moment has brought them here standing in front of us, proclaiming their love to the world. Now I believe they have written their own vows...Jess?"

"The thing about being a writer is everyone expects you to be able to come up with the most elegant of speeches for every occasion but when I sat down to write these, nothing I came up with was good enough or serious enough or beautiful enough to portray how much love I have for you. Before I came to stars hollow (rolls eyes) I was a nightmare, to be honest my only hopes for the future were drug addict or prison but between you and Uncle Luke I realised there was more to life. It took me a long time to grow up, but I got there and I'm so glad I did because if I didn't, I wouldn't be standing here today marrying the love of my life"

"Rory?"

"And you thought you couldn't find the words. I should have went first. Most little girl's dream of marrying a prince, I never had time for that. I was too busy dreaming of Harvard and a career. Then when I got older and much to my mother's dismay became interested in the new town bad boy as she put it, I started to think about having both the career and the marriage. I felt something for you that first night when you wanted to escape out the window, then you stole my book but I was too terrified to admit it. And when you left after the car crash, I realised how deep my feelings for you where then the terrifying part was that I'd missed the chance to tell you. I'm glad you came back, that Luke gave you a second change: I'll always be grateful to that because when we kissed at sookies wedding, that was step one in us reaching this moment"

"Rings?"

"I Jess Mariano take you lorelai Gilmore to be my partner in life, my one true love"

"I lorelai Gilmore take you Jess Mariano to be my partner in life, my one true love"

"By the power invested in me by the state of Connecticut, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride"

Cheers erupted from the crowd but not from one lorelai Gilmore, she found herself crying for what she could have had. This was how a wedding was meant to be.

Luke didn't exactly think it through when he agreed to be Jess' "father" for the day, if he had he would have realised that it would mean sitting at the same table as lorelai. Little did he know that was about to be the least of his worries...

"Will you please welcome onto the dance floor, for the first time Mr. and Mrs. Jess Mariano..."

#took my hand, touched my heart

Held me close, you were always there by my side

Night and day, through it all

Baby come what may

Swept away on a wave of emotion,

I was caught in the eye of a storm

And when you smile I can hardly believe that your mine#

"Now we're having a little differential to the normal here, could we have the bride's parents interchange partners and dance with the grooms parents? Since you're all family now"

Rory stopped dancing mid step at this, *no no no we can't do that! Why didn't anyone tell me?* but by the time she actually realised what it meant, it was too late.

#this love is unbreakable, it's unmistakeable

And each time I look in your eyes, I know why

This love is untouchable, a feeling

My heart just can't deny. Each time I look in your eyes

Oh baby I know why, this love is unbreakable#

Having not wanted to cause a scene, lorelai and Luke were joined together on the dance floor looking nervous as hell, unsure where to look, where their hands went *oh no this isn't going to end pretty*

"I didn't know" said lorelai very quietly

"Neither did I, Rory looked beautiful" said Luke desperate to change the subject

"Yeah I'm so pleased for her, she got what she wanted" her words were heavy with meaning, and the two ex-lovers stared at each other as they danced in silence for the next minute...

#share the laughter, share the tears

We both know to go on from here

Because together we are strong

In my arms that's where you belong

I've been touched by the hands of an angel

I've been blessed by the power of love

And when you smile, I can hardly believe that your mine#

"Now if you're in love, we'd like to take this time to welcome you to the dance floor..."

Jess work friends, Rory's work friends filtered onto the dance floor but the stars hollow residents daren't move an inch, they were intent on watching lorelai and Luke...

#this love is unbreakable, it's unmistakeable

And each time I look in your eyes, I know why

This love is untouchable, a feeling

My heart just can't deny. Each time I look in your eyes

Oh baby I know why, this love is unbreakable

Through fire and flame

When all this is over, our love still remains

This love is unbreakable#

Within seconds of the song ending, lorelai had fled from the room and despite the fact that it wouldn't change anything and it was far too late, Luke did what he should have done 10 years ago, he put all those years of track to good use and he ran after her.

He eventually found her, sitting on the steps of the dragonfly (the irony of it being where they had their first kiss didn't escape him), he sat down beside her.

Lorelai had to get out of there; she thought she could do this. Come to Rory's wedding, see her get married, leave early, avoid Luke: it sounded so simple in her head. *who was I kidding? I knew this would happen! Now he's next to me and we are alone together, grr why couldn't Rory have found someone else to marry!*

"I'm sorry" said Luke genuinely

"What for?"

"For not telling you, for not running after you, for wrecking our relationship, for introducing Rory and Jess, for coming here" he had so many more things to be sorry for but he decided that was enough.

"It's not your fault. You should be here and Rory and Jess are soul mates: they'd have found each other somehow. And I should never have gave you an ultimatum in the first place" she couldn't believe they were here 10 years later having this conversation at her daughter's wedding reception.

"Soul mates?" Luke had to scoff at that, he believed in it for a while but his faith in love had seriously diminished since he lost lorelai.

"Yeah, you can see it when their together. They just fit" lorelai smiled at the thought of her daughter.

"Like you and Christopher?" he didn't know what made him say it but it was done now.

"No" with a deep breath she turned to face him "like me and you"

"But we can't be. We didn't end up together"

"Soul mates don't always end up together doesn't make it any less true. I really loved you and when we broke up that never went away. Right now we haven't seen each other in 10 years and I think I love you more now than I did before"

Lorelai was speaking from the heart now, he may as well know.

Luke had never doubted that she loved him but he didn't expect that she still would. I mean it had been 10 years sure he still loved her more than anything but he thought it was just him.

"I never stopped loving you, it's been 20 years since the day I fell in love with you. Letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life"

"Walking away was mine. But it worked out for the best, you've got your little girl I seen her walking down the aisle, she's beautiful. She looks exactly like her mother" it pained her to admit this

"How did you know?" Luke didn't think she would have worked out who the girl was or maybe he was just hoping.

"It wasn't difficult, what's her name?"

"Alexandra but we call her lexi"

Lorelai froze (and not for the first time that day), he had named his child Alexandra! Of all the names in all the countries in all the worlds...

"What's wrong?" Luke noticed she was looking at him like she had seen a ghost

"My my daughter is called Alexandra but we call her Alex"

Now it was Luke's turn to be freaked out!

"Did you pick it yourself?"

"Yes, did you?"

"Yes"

Lorelai felt the tears roll down her cheeks once again *soul mates* it broke her heart that there were two gorgeous little girls out there, same age, same name when really there should have only been one: their daughter, hers and Luke's.

Luke reached out and wiped the tears from her face, god he missed her so much. He had only cried twice in his life and that was at his mother's funeral and then his fathers today would be number three.

Luke started to speak, the truest words he'd ever spoken "I moved away because the memories were too much, I didn't want to see you or hear about you because I'd fall all over again. If I had any hope of moving on then I had to go far away from stars hollow. I put the diner up for sale but when it came to it, I couldn't give it away. I tell everyone that it's because it was my dad's and it's all I have left of him but really I didn't want to completely lose any connection to you, you're the love of my life: I know it's too late and we've missed our chance. I'm not saying we should run away together, I just need you to know that I love you and I've never forgotten you"

Now it was lorelai's turn (it was almost as if they were making their own vows)

"You were such a big part of my life that when we got together, I thought if anyone could make it it would be us but we didn't. And it was never because we didn't love enough because I love you more than I ever thought possible, maybe we loved too much. I'm glad that you got your family, you deserve it more than anyone but I can't stop myself from wishing it was me you were coming home to and me to you. I tried so hard to get over you; I got rid of my memories: sold the house, my furniture, my clothes but it made no difference. I couldn't stop the songs we danced to playing on the radio or the memories from finding their way into my brain. I want my children to be yours so badly that every night when I see Jake asleep, my mind plays tricks on me and makes me believe he looks exactly like you. I'll never move on and I'm not trying anymore, it's about accepting that sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead"

Luke put his arms round her and they sat there, crying together for what they could have had. They knew that at the end of tonight, they would both go back to their separate lives but in that moment all that existed was them.

A few days later when lorelai was back home, she pulled the cardboard box out from the back of the closet to add the dress to it. She couldn't help pulling all the items out: the flannel shirt she used to wear to bed, her wedding dress, the earrings and chain that Luke got for her from Liz, a Luke's menu, coffee beans (she didn't drink coffee anymore it hurt too much), the dress she wore the night of the break up, her fisherman's boots, the magazine with her article about the inn and now the dress from Rory's wedding.

3,109 miles away, Luke was in the exact same situation, he too had a box to add something to. His box contained the cup that lorelai claimed as hers from the diner (yes he had brought it all that way with him), the horoscope, a flannel shirt (he didn't rip them all up), the baseball cap she bought him, cinnamon toothpaste that she left in his apartment, the tie he wore to Liz's wedding, lorelai's engagement ring (the day Kirk of all people gave that back to him was one of the worst of his life) and now his tie from Rory and Jess wedding.

The two ex-lovers busiest themselves, carrying on with the lives they'd been given trying to forget about the one they really wanted. When they both simultaneously received the same news "Rory was pregnant" they were going to have to see each other again only this time it didn't seem so scary.


End file.
